Depression And Identity
Balancing the Light and Dark
I am the kind of person who will twirl beneath the snowflakes, delight in a sunset, and stop to thank the flowers for their beauty. I call people to tell them about the rainbow I can see, and still try to find the pot of gold.
I believe in magic, in the faeries at the bottom of the garden, and that when the sea sparkles under the moonlight, it’s because there are mermaids under the surface.
I get excited about Christmas lights, and glitter, and fireworks. I get excited about a lot of things actually. I am intensely filled with joy and wonder. My default setting is happy.
And yes, I’m in my forties, but I hope I never lose the connection to how it feels to truly believe in the magic around you and that anything is possible and its ok to wear wings in public.
Even my name is from a fairy story, that speaks of a mystical land, and never having to grow up.
So, when the darkness comes, it’s in stark contrast to who I feel I really am. But, maybe it’s not just a cloak I wear, maybe it’s me too, maybe I’m both.
Like the yin yang when opposing forces are interconnected, complementary even.
Maybe the darkness intensifies the light. Maybe these contrasting parts of me somehow need each other.
The purpose I have chosen in life is to serve others, to do so with compassion, perhaps I need to know the pain. Then I can notice the beauty of the transformation, of coming up for air, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, and being nourished when I’ve been starving for so long.
I think depression has made me a better person. Causing me to explore depths of my soul previously unchartered, causing me to value each second in the sunlight and causing me to recognise and connect with others walking the same path as me.
When you reach the end of that tunnel come and join me, to dance in the sand and feel the waves tickle our toes. To breathe in the blue sky and watch the birds soar.
It’s just a cloud, the sun is waiting to embrace you.
